Trying not to let my Positive turn into Negative.

Why is it that once you decide on a certain mindset or course of action, life conspires against you?

The new job never got off the ground. Too many duties never before carried out, computer programs I didn't know and of course the switchboard. I think they thought I would just swoop in and know everything. Like Superwoman?! I left at the end of the first week.

Finding a job in Johannesburg is not as easy as the pre-advertising made it out to be. I have done so many skills tests, had my fingerprints taken twice, my qualifications have been checked probably about ten times, my former colleagues must be so tired of giving verbal references that they probably put the phone down when they hear its for me...

On top of that is all the family drama since Ive been in Jhb. My daughter and her father fell out and Ive been caught in the middle of this. As has Bradley who was staying with his dad but is now with me and this is also difficult as now its an extra financial burden on my daughter and her boyfriend. The good thing is that Bradley is able to do his homeschooling with me.

We are left with only one car at the moment because the other one has a suspected electrical fault. There are issues surrounding the animals. Specifically the Doberman which Robynne and Marco adopted in early December. This puppy is growing by leaps and bounds, putting pressures on the daily food preparation for all the animals and trying to establish dominance over the other dogs by virtue of its increasing size. The other dogs are miniature pinschers who are all related plus the oldest doggie, a cross Maltese/Dachshund and they all know their place in the pack.

The rapidly growing Doberman is putting a lot of strain on the household with her restless barking, bouncing all over the place and other anti-social habits like putting her paws up on the counters and knocking things off or stealing things, barking continuously in the middle of the night, stealing and chewing items of clothing and just generally trying to get her own way. Robynne has been driven to tears with this behaviour with her bf trying to defend the dog and I in turn am trying to devise a routine of discipline and boundaries on this doggie who of course is just being her normal Doberman self.

I did warn them against bringing such a large active breed into their existing pack but because they wanted a 'guard dog' and the Doberman looks similar in colouring, etc., to their minpins, they decided to get her. I am of the opinion that since the commitment to this big dog was made, just because there are issues, is not cause to give up and want to get rid of her. Effort has to be put in now because if she is left, she could end up doing damage to one of the other doggies or one of the cats. I am not afraid to be tough with her as I have had big dogs before and I know that big dogs need strong guidance. The problem is that she is expected to know right from wrong as if she were human. A big mistake is to try to treat dogs as if they were human babies. They are part of your family but a dog pack operates very differently from a human family. They don't have the same sense of right and wrong and 'being fair' as humans.

Anyway, the above is some of what is going into my difficulty in staying positive. Although obviously being positive is more important when times are hard than when all is rosy. Sometimes I feel that I have been totally dislodged from life as I knew it. And its hard under these circumstances to get a feeling of my sense of self when I feel as though I am a passenger in the vehicle of my life.