Next step accomplished.

Thursday dawned another overcast day. By the time I got to work, it was pouring with rain again and within the hour it was blowing a gale. One of the trees in our office park suffered damage from a falling tree branch and up the road a tree had also fallen across the road, fortunately not on any passing vehicle.

If I hadn't already had a lift arranged to get down to the hospital, I may have called off the entire visit due to the horrible weather conditions. Good excuse! Anyway by 9.30am I was headed off down to the hospital with my driver.

He drove me into the hospital grounds, and even tried to enter the hospital with me, to show me where to go but a very determined security guard shooed him out, telling him to move his vehicle. The first thing I saw at the reception was a huge board with a lot of prices on it. Oh no, don't tell me they were expecting me to pay. I ran out of the hospital to try and catch the driver. He was driving off already and as I held up my hand for him to stop, he thought I was waving him goodbye and off he went. Oh well! I decided to book in and I would soon find out if I could proceed. The gentleman filled out a chart and asked me for....R20. I managed to scratch that amount together and then continued to the next area. The procedure was to book in at casualty, be first examined by a casualty doctor and then be redirected to the relevant department's doctor. After a short wait I was called and examined. The lady doctor phoned the Surgical Outpatients department who confirmed they could see me that day. Down the corridor to that department, book in with the sister and then sit on the bench to wait. Hardly sat down and I was called. After taking down my medical history, I went through to be examined again. Seriously I have taken off my shirt for four different people in the last few days. No such thing as false modesty anymore! After the examination he said that I would have an ultrasound and a biopsy and then added, as I was replacing my clothes.'Why don't we just do the biopsy now to save you coming back.' 'Oh okay, is it sore?' 'No, its just like an injection.'

I didn't look but I think obviously it was a big needle. And a rather loooong injection! I just squeezed my clothing between two fingers of each hand while trying to keep my left arm and body as relaxed as possible. And it was over. He prepared his slides, which will be sent to the teaching and referral hospital, Albert Luthuli.

Then it was over to X-Ray to find out if I could have an ultrasound. I needed directions from the reception - go down the corridor, left, at the Coca-cola machine turn right, proceed, at the white booth, turn left and you will see the xray department. The hospital is a huge maze of a building.

I could only get an appointment for an ultrasound on the 18th December so then through to the Appointments office where I made a followup appointment for the 10th December where I will receive the result of my biopsy. And I was finished.

My driver wasn't expecting me to finish so quickly and had gone back to work (in Botha's Hill) which is a considerable distance away. I had to wait outside the front of the hospital. My breast had an ache and a sting from the needle now but I passed the time quite pleasantly chatting with another patient who was also waiting for a lift. He is a young man, a quadriplegic who used to be extremely active, surfing, diving. He was diving at Port Alfred into a river mouth which was in flood, so the water was brown with silt and lots of floating debris. As he dived in or surfaced, a huge plank of wood hit him in the spine and broke it, rendering him paralysed. He was of the opinion that it was 'meant to be'. We watched another young man being delivered to hospital by private car. They took a long time to figure out how to remove him from the back seat as his helpers had decided that he had to stay immobile. He had bunked school and gone on an adventure and suffered a bad fall (?). The helpers eventually got a back board to place him on so they could lift him without damaging him further. He seemed to have suffered a bad break to his leg as it was in a splint.

As the guy in the wheelchair left with his transport, I became aware of a private car that had stopped just in front of me. The driver had jumped out and run into the hospital looking for help. A lady holding a small child was in the front passenger seat. In the back was a hysterically crying lady holding a prone patient on the back seat. She was sobbing and repeating 'I'm losing my cousin'. The patient was also a young woman in her late teens or early twenties, who seemed to have just passed away in the car. They brought the trolley and loaded her onto it. She was completely lifeless, her limbs tumbling around. Her cousin blurted out 'She hanged herself!' before the whole family disappeared into the hospital.

I was extremely traumatised by this occurrence. The family was on an island of grief and tragedy in a sea of life carrying on. I wondered what would go through the mind of a young person (or any person) to prompt the extreme decision that now was the time that their life would end. I really battled to wrap my mind around the sight of that young person and her extended family.

A constant stream of ambulances and private cars continued to bring in new patients and take away other patients. A lady was with her elderly mother. Her and her husband were collecting the old lady. She had tried to comfort the other lady who had been crying bitterly for her cousin but a moment later was verbally abusing the old lady, her own family member as they both climbed into their own car. The old lady could hardly walk and was trying to get into the back seat. "Hurry up, I can't always be looking after you. You're always talking to people!' I was aghast!

My own lift arrived but the scenes of the past hour whilst I had been waiting at the entrance stayed on my mind. How poignant it all is. Life and death and grief and impatience and care - a whole melting pot of human emotions stirred together. People watching at its most extreme!

Round and round the waiting room.

It was such a beautiful if windy morning this morning as I drove through to the hospital for yet another marathon waiting room session. It is quite confusing finding out the procedure for a new patient but I'm becoming quite the expert with all my experience lately. I'll be able to give guided tours of all the local medical institutions soon!

After waiting in a queue to get a file made up in an outside office, I entered the hospital and asked a handy security guard where I had to go next. The cashier! Oh dear! I hadn't been told by the clinic that I needed to bring money. After a bit of persuasion to the unhappy cashier that I would pay the money into the hospital bank account, I joined a long queue to get my blood pressure checked and my weight recorded. Everything fine with the blood pressure (?). No matter how stressed I get and even with my overactive thyroid, my blood pressure is always fine. As a first time patient I joined a third queue adjacent to the blood pressure checking nurses. The two ladies in this cubicle were filling in forms and asking for a lot of information from the various patients they were interviewing. Eventually it was my turn. These ladies were giving patients the opportunity to have a free HIV test. They have little disposable testers which deliver a small prick to the finger. A drop or so of blood is squeezed into the little holes and a few minutes later you have your result. Hey, a freebie is a freebie! I wasn't going to say no.

Then the queue for the doctor. This moved along a lot faster. It was about 11.10am by this stage. The Indian doctor lady checked me over and confirmed that the lump needed further investigation (which they couldn't do at St Marys). I would have to be referred to R.K. Khan Hospital in Chatsworth. Now that is an area I don't really go to at all and it is a distance away. Anyway I took my referral letter and proceeded to the pharmacy for painkillers one of which helps with swelling. A short time later I was on my way. Another 4 hour wait. So 8 hours in 2 days of waiting for medical attention.

At work, several of my co-workers have come to know about my situation and the one lady has organised with our messenger to drop me off at the hospital tomorrow and pick me up when I am ready. If he can't make it back, my boss has offered to collect me. Everyone is being so supportive. So tomorrow I go straight to the relevant department for a mammogram and probably a needle biopsy.

When I was speaking about my situation to a young woman in our accounts dept., she told me that she had also had a lump in her breast and had had a mammogram and needle biopsy done. They ended up surgically removing the lump even though it was benign. It is good to hear of other people who have been in the same situation and have come through it and carried on with their lives. I wasn't going to do it this week but I decided that if I leave it until next week, I may just not get it done, so gritting my teeth and gathering my courage, here I go!

A Cold Wait

I decided to take off Sabrina's collar as she has been frantically shaking her head and scratching during the night. I had a feeling that her neck was worrying her. So first thing this morning I removed the collar and rubbed her neck and she was in heaven!

I was only planning on going to the clinic on Wednesday but decided to get it done this morning. I just had a strong feeling that I must start this investigation today. So after dropping Bradley I proceeded through to the clinic and got there just after 8am. Upon arriving and finding the correct department, the whole queue of people (I was the last number - no. 35) were shepherded to the outside benches. Now it was a cold day today and eventually I put on my jacket and was so glad I thought to bring it. It took from 8am to 12 midday for the sister to eventually see me. I was almost frozen to an iceblock by the time I was called inside to the benches in that department where unusually, there were only 3 patients per bench at a time, one on each end and one in the middle. Obviously they don't want their department looking untidy with too many patients or otherwise they don't want the patients catching anything from each other - a bit ridiculous since we had been bunched together outside in the freezing weather for hours already. I commented to the man next to me that if we hadn't been very sick before we arrived, then we most certainly would be by the time we left!

After a quick examination and a few exclamations as to why it took so long for me to come in, she decided that I should be referred to one of the local hospitals to see a doctor. So I now have a letter of referral to St. Mary's hospital in Mariannhill to see a doctor and from there on who knows. She said the lump is a bit big and hard and if I had come in when it was smaller she could have just given me an antibiotic to see if that worked. Who knew? I don't have a lot of fatty tissue in my breasts (small size) and they often feel lumpy but only in the past two weeks or so has the lump increased in size and started causing an ache and some discomfort. I know its there all the time. I came in to work straight after I left the clinic but I have told my boss that I have to go to the hospital tomorrow and wherever else I am sent whenever I am sent there, until this issue is resolved.

I will update tomorrow as and when I make it to the office.

I'm still standing...

Bebe was fine after her procedure on Friday and soon headed back into her favourite bushy area when we arrived home. She really is an outdoorsy girl. She has had no ill affects from her spaying. Sabrina has learned to live with her collar but I won't be able to keep it on for much longer as I noticed that it is wearing a sore spot on her neck. She keeps shaking it and it really gets in the way of her grooming. She is able to lick her paw and clean her nose however. I have been grateful for the collar though as her scratching would be a direct hit on her stitched ears if she wasn't wearing it. She still looks a bit like a wreck but is much more her old self. I think when she is all healed up with fur grown back she will look a bit like a bear cub.

Bradley had headed off down to Chris' house by the time I got home on Friday evening so I was able to take it easy (and not cook). I just made cheese snackwiches for supper. Chris has a playstation and there is another boy at the house of Bradley's age which makes for better entertainment than being at home with boring mom.

On Saturday, I just cleaned up and pottered about. The weather wasn't great so the most I did was keep running out and turning the washing over to the wet side to try and encourage it to dry faster. I had arranged to be at my mom's at about lunchtime as my aunt, my cousin and her two boys were coming to visit and mom needed reinforcements. I collected Bradley and took him along but by the time we arrived, at almost 2pm, the cousins weren't there yet. They eventually arrived with a cake and we had a jolly time catching up and having tea. I hadn't seen my cousin or my aunt for more than ten years and it was our first time of meeting Shelly's two little boys. They had a great time with Bradley who was acting the role of the cool dude older cousin.

Bradley decided to go down to Chris' house to play again on Sunday and this really suited me because after my stressful week of not feeling well last week, I just wanted to do nothing on Sunday. I watched tv and read my novel and didn't go anywhere the whole day until I collected Bradley and Chris for church at 6pm. I really felt relaxed and didn't even do any housework, just sat on my behind the whole day.

On the health front, I haven't got those symptoms that I was suffering from last week, the lump in the throat, funny breathing, etc. Those have subsided somewhat. I have got another health issue that is worrying me at the moment. I have discovered a rather large lump in my left breast which doesn't seem to be going away and I also have some 'funny' pains in my chest and emanating to my armpit which are worrying me. I immediately think cancer but it might not be that. I won't know until I go and find out. Finding out is not so simple as I don't have medical aid and usually no money to throw at something like this. I phoned around today and CANSA Durban have a clinic that they run on Wednesdays between 8 and 10am which I could attend. I asked the lady if I could start with my government clinic (that I go to with Bradley) and she said that I could start there as they have qualified nursing sisters. I know the staff is fully qualified but I don't know what kind of ailments they deal with there. So I will start there and if need be they will refer me to a district hospital. I can see a lot of sitting in waiting rooms in my immediate future. Maybe a good time to catch up on my reading. I wasn't going to mention all this here but you guys have been excellent with your moral support on all fronts and I know that I am among friends here. Whatever the diagnosis, I am determined to be positive and just do what needs to be done. Worrying about this has been eating away at me a bit but I do find if I do something proactively to solve a problem (including this) it empowers me a lot. I don't want to be a person who minimises their choices in life by being too scared to find out what is going on with me.

I will appreciate being remembered in the prayers and thoughts of all my friends as I find out what is causing this problem.