What fun - Parent/Teacher Interviews!

I only found out this event was scheduled for last night as we were on the way to school yesterday morning. I asked Bradley to list his teachers and subjects and he did so, marking a cross or tick next to each teacher's name, to indicate if I had to see them or not. I had to see the teachers for English, Afrikaans, Maths, Geography, Physical and Life Science and LO. They had all the teachers set up behind individual tables in what they call the Lifestyle Hall (basically an indoor games hall) off the sports field. As I walked in and saw the queues of parents behind the tables, my head started pounding again. The next trick was to find the teacher. The teachers were identified with namecards on the desks but the way Brad had spelt the teachers' names was creative, to say the least. 'Miss Van' turned out to be Mrs Van Wyngaard, the Geography Teacher. Mrs Ontment (Ointment!?) was actually Mrs Ortmann, not that I would ever have guessed but he eventually pointed her out to me, the teacher with the black and gold (black trouser suit, blonde hair). With each teacher a similar story: Bradley is slow, doesn't concentrate, easily distracted - some were very sympathetic and eager to help Bradley to achieve his best and one nosy one in particular who seems to have been cross-examining Bradley during school to try and discover if his issues with schoolwork stem from a dysfunctional or abusive family life.

I get this every year and every parent/teacher conference. Sometimes I feel like I invented the condition - ADHD - as an excuse for the lack of interest in schoolwork of my offspring. The one thing I really enjoyed was the yummy cheese and biscuits that was on offer for parents to snack on and as I was really hungry by then, kept on popping back to the catering table in between queueing for the different teachers.

Dael has been out of contact mostly since Wednesday. He cannot pick up cellphone signal where he is situated but he seems to be enjoying himself on his working camp. Basically he is a trainee instructor and the camp they are hosting is probably a school leadership course for Grade 7's. That kind of thing is his kind of job though - informal setting, different things to do, not having to get dressed up, outdoor work in a nature setting - ideal! I can see he's going to want to carry on and do more camps so I hope he gets the opportunity to do so.

Both Dael and Bradley have kept me busy over the past few years with their issues with school and now Dael has some special needs with regard to the career path he wants to follow. The work cannot be too repetitive or boring because then he stops concentrating and doesn't want to do it anymore. He enjoys doing a variety of different tasks not just one repetitive task. The boys are right brained and artistic. They can learn something very easily if they are shown how to do it or if they can try it themselves. Dael has picked up more from the Discovery channel on tv than possibly his whole last year at school because obviously television is so visual and not just verbal. His brain doesn't have to battle to process the information. Also at school you have to reproduce what you have learned in written form to prove that you have learnt it. This doesn't come naturally to right brained thinkers who battle to concentrate. They can think of better ways to be spending their time.

I had thought that my daughter had escaped being affected by ADHD, being female, although she is very artistic and imaginative, clearly also a right brained thinker. Fortunately, she didn't battle too much at school and in fact achieved a very good pass in her final Matric year of school, even achieving a distinction in Geography. However, in the last couple of years she has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and has been medicated as such for this. Yesterday, after reading a post of fellow blogger Hard Spear who mentioned in his latest post that sufferers of AD(H)D often suffer from depression and anxiety as a co-morbid condition, meaning that sufferers of AD(H)D can have the symptoms of AD(H)D as well as suffering from depression and anxiety or that they can just experience the onset of depression without the other symptoms. Either way, the fact that we have this condition in the family with both brothers diagnosed with ADD, bears investigation into the possibility of this being the cause of these feelings.

Now I'm just the mom not the doctor so Robynne has done the smart thing and forwarded some information which I sent her together with a brief family history through to her doctor for the doctor's opinion as to the possibility of this being the cause of the depression and we are at this moment waiting to hear what the prognosis is. Thanks to Spear because I really hadn't connected the two sets of symptoms properly until I read his post and that started my brain cogs working. I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon researching on the internet reasons why this, if it exists, hadn't shown up during the school years and for the main part the thinking seems to be that girls, unless they are tomboys, are conditioned to cope with sitting in a schoolroom situation and if they are bright, this is usually enough to get them through the school years successfully without being diagnosed. They internalise any problems they might be experiencing and this sometimes manifests in substance abuse and/or smoking. So basically boys and girls react differently in school. The symptoms in girls might only crop up as the pressures of work, relationships, managing money, marriage, motherhood, etc. start coming into existence. Only at this stage, way into adulthood sometimes, are some women diagnosed with AD(H)D.

I live and learn. I know either way that my kids being competent, intelligent and popular young people will make a success of whatever they turn their hands to. And I will be there for them as long as they want me to be and for however long I am on this earth.

The early bird...gets tired!

I was up early this morning, as expected but not just because I had to get Dael up early. Yesterday I woke up with a killer headache of note which only got worse as the day got longer. I think I slept at an odd angle on Monday night and this caused a knot in my neck which in turn causes the Headache from Hell. I left work early but still managed to cook. After taking tablets the headache eased off for a while but soon returned. So I had slept fitfully, tossing and turning, adjusting the hot water bottle under my neck and punching my pillow into a fluffier shape. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I got up. it was 3.50am. I took more tablets and made coffee. I sat on the couch and leaned my head back, willing my head to stop pounding. After a while, it was time to wake Dael.

He had asked me to wake him at 4.30am as he still had to throw his things into a bag. It took a few nudges from me before he surfaced. He's not used to waking that early. But he soon got up and dressed. After a quick coffee and cigarette, he dressed and packed and we were ready to go. It was 5am! Probably a bit early I told him but I need to get back and get Brad up. The freeway was quite clear and it was still dark. Half an hour later we had arrived at our destination only to find the business still locked up. We sat and chatted and watched the waking day - the birds, the walkers, the newspaper sellers setting up. At 6.10am I was getting restless as I had to get back home. I looked in my mirror and noticed that behind me a young man had emerged from the business via the roll up garage door. Obviously there are living quarters attached to the business as he looked like he had just got up, yawning and rubbing his face. He saw me looking at him. I turned round in my seat and he came over to the car window. I introduced us and he confirmed that he was with the business. Dael got out and went off with the friendly young man into the premises via the garage door. And I was off back home. I had to stop for extra milk. I arrived home and Brad was still sleeping. Running around trying to feed cats, iron clothes and make lunches. A quick glance at the clock told me we were late. Rush rush - I felt as if I had been through the wringer and I hadn't even started my day. Brad and I rushed out and started off. The clock in the car said it was 15 minutes earlier than we thought it was. But just as well the inside clock was wrong, today of all days because Brad was still on time for school. I'm halfway through the working day now and just wishing for hometime.

The duties of a mom

Dael received a call back this afternoon from the training officer at the Adventure Group where he attended the Intro Morning a couple of weeks ago (remember the dirt road we had to go along). Anyway this chap wants Dael to go on a camp to their venue near the Tugela River from Wednesday until Friday. Obviously Dael is keen to go. The one catch is that I have to get Dael down to their office in Durban by 6.30am tomorrow morning. Their office should be easy enough to find but its 23kms from our house. Now lazy me would like to say: No way. I'm not going to drive all that way at that time of the morning and then still come home and get Brad and myself ready for school and work. But realistic me knows that this is just part of my duties at a parent. Its what I signed up for 22 years ago when I became a mom. Not just the good stuff but also the bad stuff, not only the comfortable and comforting duties but also the irritating and time-consuming duties which take me out of my comfort zone and my routine. Its these duties which make it so sweet when your child eventually becomes self-sufficient and independent, with their own finances and vehicles. If we didn't have to go through this time, it would mean nothing to us when our kids get to that stage that they take off from the runway and begin to soar. Robynne is flying. She has her problems and challenges but mostly she is gaining altitude, making decisions and moving ahead. At the moment Dael is spinning his wheels, turning in different directions but soon he will get his break in life and there will be no holding him back.

I'm too independent and it ends up with broken glass...

Sunday was a rainy and chilly day in Kwazulu Natal and after tidying up the house, I sat down to read a book and watch some tv. By mid afternoon, I had had enough of sitting around and decided to tackle my room. I hadn't rearranged the furniture or cleaned under the bed since last year some time and my room was frustrating me. It isn't very big and the bed takes up most of the room. Added to that are two sets of built in cupboards. I decided that my kist would have to relocate to the living room. My kist was my gift by request from my parents on my 21st birthday and will always be part of my furniture but sometimes its difficult to find a place for it - where it also won't be destroyed by cats and kids. The boys were watching wrestling and I didn't want to disturb them and besides I'm independent. So I dragged the kist (filled with all my family photos and rather heavy) out of my room. I also dragged out a box of files and my expanding file with all my paperwork and my laundry basket. This left room for me to tip the queen size mattress and the base on to their side and I could then tackle the huge amount of dust which had accumulated under the bed. I called on Dael once to pull the mattress toward the door, this being the heaviest item but when the time came for the mattress to be pulled in the opposite direction, I tried to do it on my own. The mattress fell against the base which tipped and one of the wooden feet of the base shattered a pane of glass. Luckily the window is a type made up of small panes of glass in a crisscross framework and I only broke the one. It left a small hole with cracks radiating outwards. So Dael was called once again. "What are you trying to do?" Well I'm not trying to break glass but that's what I'm accomplishing. Crazy mother, always disturbing the furniture with her cleaning antics. I'm the bane of their lives.

So the bedroom is changed around, the curtains are changed and the window pane is stuck with transparent contact paper until it can be replaced. A good afternoon's work indeed!