Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Every day I have good intentions to get organised and get things done..and then the day gets away from me. I knew this would happen and I'm just trying to get through it and out on the other side in one piece.
Its not like I have the luxury of being able to sit at home on a permanent basis. I don't have a significant other bringing home the bacon and I have the knowledge at the back of my mind always that my funds are going to run out and I've got to get employed. Easier said than done. I am looking on the internet, going for a few interviews and trying to keep as connected to the outside world as I can.
I thought it was harder when Dael was at home playing the tv loud and boiling the kettle neverendingly but now that he is working and away from home all day, it has become worse.
Every morning, I drop him at work by 7.30am, come home and watch tv for a bit while knitting. Then I get up, download emails and handle any queries, I clean up the house and feed the animals. Sometimes I do a bit of office work, then a bit of housework, then a bit of tv. My normal routine as it has been for many years is shot to hell. I don't have to organise Bradley's life anymore and that is something strange. I just feel like I'm freefalling at the moment. And to add to my confusion and misery, I've had one of my headaches that wont go away since about Saturday. I thought it was gone yesterday but its back again today.
Its a very strange feeling, not having anywhere to go to during a normal working week. Its like the world is just carrying on without me, like I got off the bus at the wrong stop and now I'm wondering around lost, like I'm on the outside looking in.
I know This Too Shall Pass and I will get employed again. Its just a matter of time but in the meantime I need to get my head around my future plans so that I can get some form of routine in place and stop feeling like a lost soul.