Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Battling along...

Every day I have good intentions to get organised and get things done..and then the day gets away from me. I knew this would happen and I'm just trying to get through it and out on the other side in one piece.
Its not like I have the luxury of being able to sit at home on a permanent basis. I don't have a significant other bringing home the bacon and I have the knowledge at the back of my mind always that my funds are going to run out and I've got to get employed. Easier said than done. I am looking on the internet, going for a few interviews and trying to keep as connected to the outside world as I can.
I thought it was harder when Dael was at home playing the tv loud and boiling the kettle neverendingly but now that he is working and away from home all day, it has become worse.
Every morning, I drop him at work by 7.30am, come home and watch tv for a bit while knitting. Then I get up, download emails and handle any queries, I clean up the house and feed the animals. Sometimes I do a bit of office work, then a bit of housework, then a bit of tv. My normal routine as it has been for many years is shot to hell. I don't have to organise Bradley's life anymore and that is something strange. I just feel like I'm freefalling at the moment. And to add to my confusion and misery, I've had one of my headaches that wont go away since about Saturday. I thought it was gone yesterday but its back again today.
Its a very strange feeling, not having anywhere to go to during a normal working week. Its like the world is just carrying on without me, like I got off the bus at the wrong stop and now I'm wondering around lost, like I'm on the outside looking in.
I know This Too Shall Pass and I will get employed again. Its just a matter of time but in the meantime I need to get my head around my future plans so that I can get some form of routine in place and stop feeling like a lost soul.


  1. Hey Momcat! Is your office still paying you while you do work from home? I hope so! I know that in Jan every year a lot more positions become available because people are staying put now to get their December bonus and use their leave for December holidays and then they come back in Jan and resign. So if nothing else, Jan is sure to bring a boost of job on the market.
    Fingers and toes crossed for you that the perfect job comes along soon!

  2. I feel for you girl, I too would feel so lost. Good luck - thinking of you.

  3. I've been there with the job... not with children out of the house though. Do you like to read? What I do is to go to the nearest book exchange and browse till I find something nice. As I am reading I congratulate myself for getting such a nice book for so cheap. Inexpensive therapy for when you are down.

  4. I can imagine that you must be feeling lost and out of routine. I hope the perfect job comes soon.


  5. I have also been there without a job and I know it can eat away at your mind like crazy, so sorry you have to go through this, I am thinking about you all the time!

  6. Shame, Momcat. It sounds tough. Praying for a job to come up soon and sending big hugs. Hope the headache is gone!

  7. Forever Feline - My office is not paying for actual work. They did want me to sign a fixed term contract but I dont want to tie myself down. They are supplying the internet and phone connections in return for my attention to problems. I am hopeful that something will come up soon but obviously I am aware that this is a bad time of the year and everyone is hanging on for their bonus.

    Lynette - Thank you for your support too. God has my future in His hands so who am I to worry.

    Cat - Thank you for your support.

    Hardspear - Although I have been a great reader in the past, I cannot concentrate on reading at the moment because my future is not settled. I will get back to books though but at the moment I just concentrate on my knitting.

    Lulu - It will resolved itself and I will come out on the other side a stronger person. Everything is meant to be and obviously I needed this break from the outside world too. I need to stop relying on myself and rely on God's timing.

    Tamara - It is tough but I am blessed. I have my online friends and my family. I have food to eat and a roof over my head. God will provide. The headache is coming right slowly. :)