Thursday, February 11, 2010


I had picked Bradley up from school and returned to work. At 3.00pm in the afternoon it is still very hot. When we left again at 5pm, I noticed a wet patch under the car and opened the bonnet. It is oil leaking.

Dael and his friend who is staying with us, 'S' had walked uphill to the suburb where 'S' normally stays with his mom and his mother's employer, and also close to where I work. His mom is a domestic worker and lives on the premises of her employer. He wanted to get some clean clothes and try to get some money from her as a 'deposit' against renting my outside room. Apparently they had a long conversation (read: lecture/argument) in which the mom stated that if 'S' is staying with me he must be able to pay me himself or otherwise go back and stay with her. She had given money to his sister and had nothing left. If he goes back he lives on his mom's employer's charity and gets lectured by the employer too.

I found out all this after I had picked them up on my way through the area on the way home. I was stressed about the car and the fact that funds are running dangerously low for the month to just feed myself, 3 boys and the animals and I also started lecturing, mainly about how I didn't think him mom was playing fair. I probably said some things that weren't very nice and both boys feelings were hurt. Dael came and told me viciously that he had told 'S' to come back down to my house with him, that it would be alright because he just doesn't want to stay where his mother works anymore, he had already had a routing from his mom and now I had given them one. Dael threw his clothes in his bag and walked out. 'S' was lying in the room on the bed, all depressed and I made him go and look for Dael. Now I felt bad as well but at no time have I been consulted by Dael as to my ability to absorb an extra person into the equation, which includes food, transport and use of utilities. These kids don't seem to live in a real world. They think everything happens by magic.
They ended up sitting in the broken car which is still sitting at the bottom of the driveway (what accommodating neighbours I have!) but eventually Dael came up and I spoke to him. We discussed the whole situation, he went down again and then both boys came up. 'S' was downcast and as he walked past me he told me that he would leave the next day and would find money to pay me for the time he has spent there. Now I felt bad. Really the situations I get thrust into. I hugged him, made him look at me as I was talking to him, made him understand that both he and Dael needed to understand the situation we are in. I wasn't telling him to leave but I didn't know how we were going to make it. As it is I am going to have to try and borrow money from my brother until the end of the month. 'S' was tearful, stiff as I hugged him and uncomfortable with his emotions. He went straight to the room, not eating supper.
Dael sat with me in the lounge and still ate some supper, not talking much though. They were both sleeping when I left this morning but on mxit this morning, Dael has a very negative status message about being over life and not being around much longer. Friend 'S' has a message about words hurting more than blows.
I feel bad about the whole situation but I also wish I had the luxury of being able to play the blame game. In fact I probably could blame the economy for the constantly rising prices, my employers for not paying me more, my ex-husband for not being able to support his children, any number of culprits but I just don't have the lack of maturity required to blame other people or circumstances for my situation today. I might say it when I'm having a rant but deep inside I feel that its my responsibility to change my circumstances, in respect of getting a better job etc, and the timing of God in allowing us to go through circumstances for whatever purpose, maybe to teach me to lean on Him a lot more or to be accepting of what life brings and to trust Him to answer prayer.
Also on a rather sad note, I had contacted Robynne after a long period of staying out of her way after the Christmas/New Year drama. I felt it would be alright to renew contact and I needed her to contact her friend in KZN to help Dael get his car up the driveway. The very next day she was embroiled in a drama of her own. Her littlest bunny, Hoppie had hurt her eye badly. The eyeball had a deep scratch from a piece of wire or a stick and she had rushed her to the vet. Unfortunately, Hoppie had to have her eye removed and is still at the vet. Robynne is very upset about her little baby and on top of that the operation and vet care is going to cost her a lot of money too. Such a nasty thing to happen just as she has finally settled into her new home. It is just one of many drama's that go to making us stronger people who are able to cope with a lot. But very unfortunate. Sorry Robynne and Hoppie.


  1. Oh my word, we (woman) and our good intentions. Good luck.

  2. Full plate as usual good luck my friend hope you have a peaceful weekend xxx

  3. It is so hard when you want to help and are unable the end of the day you need to "count the cost" of letting someone else live with you and you cannot do it at the cost of your children.

    Strongs to you my friend...I will pray for you for wisdom and the Lord will supply the ointment that will heal the wounds.

  4. "Making us stronger people"... You're doing the best with the situation you have Momcat. Whatever comes of it, easy as it is to write, don't be hard on yourself. You've already been a saint to protect them for as long as you have. Whatever Dael and S are feeling can't be helped, but if you are calm and keep a clear head like you have done it can't be a bad thing. They'll learn that falling to pieces doesn't do anybody any good. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, so I won't fob you off and say it's going to be great, but I hope you're confident in your own strenght. You'll find a way through. We're all under the same stars, but we may as well be a million miles apart, so that might mean nothing... but remember who you are.

  5. Hectic. You have more responsibilities than I would be able to deal with. Another person's child is always going to be a difficult thing. I hope you find a way to work this situation out.

  6. You have a big hear momcat. One thing that life has taught me is that it never stays the same. I have been through some rough times, wondering how to get through, but then life changes again and answers come. Like you said to me - one day at a time and trust in The Lord.

  7. Sorry momcat. That should have read "you have a big heart" - not hear!!

  8. Cat - Thank you.

    Lulu - Definitely full plate. Sometimes the only way I dont become negative is by actively 'not thinking' about all the things piling up. Thanks for the support.

    Lynette - It is difficult to know what to do at the time. Friend S is providing Dael with a positive attitude which he wouldn't have if he wasn't there. It would be easier if my finances weren't always so close to the bone.

    ThatGirl - Damn indeed!

    Griever - Thank you for your positive and comforting words. Did I mention that my life is stranger than fiction. Thats an interesting thought about the stars. I would like to reverse it and say that geographically we're a million miles away but we are indeed all under the same stars and many of us are in a similar if not the same boat. I will find a way through. I may have to ask for help but I will get through as I always have, with God's help.

    Po - Never underestimate yourself. The more you handle, the more confident you get of your ability to handle more. It is difficult to know what to do in this situation but I always think - what was the reason this situation was sent to me. Should I take the easy way out as many seem to do or should I struggle on. Maybe it is meant for me to do some small thing in this young man's life to set him on the path. I am keeping openminded.

    Retiredancrazy - Thank you for giving my words back to me. That is all we can do. Get through one day at a time and trust in God! Sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing. Sometimes when I'm just about to blow a gasket, I almost try to hold my breathe to prevent myself from doing something hasty. Thinking of you too as you move forward in life.