Monday, February 22, 2010
Just one more day.....
Do you ever have the feeling that if you can just carry on for one more day, just hold on for one more day....things will come right! I am sitting here with the most surreal feeling of...not peace exactly but maybe acceptance in the midst of chaos. Apart from world wide chaos, from earthquakes in Haiti to major mudslides in Madeira, there is hardship closer to home too. Who of us don't know someone who has lost their income or their home, someone fighting illness. And we question God...why have You allowed this? Knowing the propensity of mankind toward evil and destruction, I suppose we could ask God - why have You allowed us to carry on destroying this earth and each other for so long without dealing with us?
Be that as it may, I am discovering that the more days that I deal with hardship, worrying about my car and how long I will still have the use of it, worrying about how to feed my children and my animals, the more it feels like the natural order of things. Do I allow my circumstances to dictate the person that I will be or will become. Do I fall into self-pity or self-loathing because of my circumstances. I accept that possessions are temporary and I cannot base my self-worth on such unstable items but still our home is the place where we have the freedom to be ourself. Our vehicles are the means by which we gain our independence.
'A fool and his money are easily parted'. I am not easily parted from my money. I am always careful with the money I have left over...after all the credit cards and loans and debit orders have been paid. But where did all these insidious debts come from. School stationery, vet visit for one of the animals, not impulse purchases. I am determined to gain control over these debts. I will not be a statistic. I will not give in.
Every minute that I drive my car, the old lady, I am planning for the time that I will be walking and how I will accomplish my daily routine without a vehicle. I have faced up to the 'worst' - divorce, retrenchment, being 'fired'....and lived to tell the tale. Now I have to face up to not having a job or a car and still being the person that I am. And I will succeed with this. Even if I don't have a car or a house, I will still be a driver and a homeowner because its a mindset. If you have a mindset to be a driver you will save or plan ahead to own a car. The same with your home. Or education. In fact anything. As soon as you face up to the possibility of something happening, be it good or bad, you can begin to put a plan of action to cope into place.
Its funny how material objects can so overwhelm us with their presence that we forget that we were here, were in existence, before any of these items were. My kids have to have a cell phone, a hi fi, a playstation. Just a few years ago we grew up without these items and even without tv. It is possible to exist without the accumulation of belongings. In fact it is better to do so. It sets free the imagination, and your very relationship with the universe.
The more belongings and clutter you accumulate, the wider the gap of separation from your connection with the universe.