Monday, March 9, 2009

Quite a weekend...

Fellow bloggers, you won't believe this but after fighting the whole of last week for the cheaper cellphone deal and eventually giving up and processing the deal at the more expensive price, I discovered when I went to collect the cellphones after work on Friday that the cheaper deal had finally been processed in the interim and the second sales assistant had processed the paperwork to reflect the cheaper price! He also affirmed that I was right to have insisted on the just-expired deal and to have fought the whole week. He said head office was always pressurising them to achieve target but they didn't give them the backup to process a certain deal when the customer wanted it. I thanked him for his help though because without him pushing and negotiating from his side I still wouldn't have received the deal I wanted. Effort, good customer service and communication make the difference between an excellent sales assistant and a mediocre one.
Dael was happy to see that he got a small raise which he wasn't expecting since he only recently started working for the company. It has come at the right time with him having to pay for the cellphones. He decided on Saturday that he was going to hold a small braai (barbecue) for some of his friends. I told him I would supply salads but he would have to buy the rest. He and his friend went off on the friend's motorbike and returned about an hour later with softdrinks, meat and rolls. I had just got busy with a bit of garden cutting as I had been out of the house in the morning running a few errands and visiting my parents for a while. He came to tell me that his girl cousin was getting a lift to the local shop and that I would have to fetch her from there as she was coming to the braai. So I stopped gardening under protest and he and I went off to fetch N leaving his friend C at the house. He bought charcoal and we picked up N and went off home again. When we got there, we found that C's girlfriend S had been dropped off by her brother for the braai as well. Anyway N who is 16 was a bit miserable from the time she got there and Dael was trying to cheer her up. C and S were just flirting as teenage couples do. I was busy making salads with a couple of drinks to help me on my way. As the evening wore on N had apparently been persuaded to have a couple of very diluted alcoholic drinks and was feeling nauseous. Dael was trying to get her to his room outside so that she wouldn't bring up on my carpet or lounge furniture. She got nasty with him and ended up being very sick over and over again in my bathroom. In the meantime C and girlfriend S had got into an argument about him trying to get her into a local club which she wasn't old enough to get into and she didn't even want to try. It ended with him punching his motorbike and hurting his hand and breaking its mirror and pulling his girlfriend around a bit. Dael had to get tough with him and calm him down. In the meantime I (kind of) and S were supporting N in her sickness. Dael was also quite embarrassed at N for getting herself sick and making a big scene and for being nasty with him when he was trying to help her. Apparently after professing not to drink she had downed several drinks in quick succession (and she has a weak stomach).
What was I doing. I was mellow and although I was aware of what was going on around me I have been a mom for 21 years and I was kind of expecting drama. I didn't overreact. Dael is almost an adult and he had organised an event and he also had to handle the drama. I was just there for additional support. I dished up food for myself, poured myself another drink and enjoyed my dinner next to the braai fire while WW3 was taking place inside (again!). Afterwards when everything had stabilised I ended up driving the whole crew up to an underage club (which was the original plan anyway) where I left three teens and Bradley (who is just a teenager) and took the sick one home. I went back to the club and waited a couple of hours for them to come out before driving them all home at 11pm.
Dael wasn't a happy camper on Sunday though but I think the weekend was a learning curve for him because unbeknown to me he had, on top of paying for the meat, etc for the braai - already lent friend C R60 to pay his aunt for an arty ashtray that C had broken, as well as R80 to pay for C and girlfriend S to get into the club, C was supposed to fetch him on Sunday to go to the ATM and draw the rest of Dael's wage out for him to live on for this week but he went off with his other friend for the day and didn't bother to come round at all. Dael ended up punching the wall in his anger and frustration and hurting his hand. I told him that his actions were unproductive and he should rather go and chop some of my garden because at least he would be accomplishing something. That only lasted for about 10 minutes before his arm got sore.
Isn't it bitter pill to swallow when friends and family let you down and when your expectations of how people in your life should be acting fail to meet the standards you set. I used the events of the weekend to speak to Dael about putting his full faith in friends and letting his expectations of how events should evolve bring such disappointment and anger to him when they didn't turn out as expected. You have to roll with the punches and you have to realise that a bit of alcohol plus teenage hormones almost always have emotional and dramatic results. I am glad this happened at my home though because a lot of parents are less than understanding. They think that because they have given an instruction or banned something i.e. drinking, attending a club, that it's not going to happen. I am here to bear testimony that it does happen with or without permission and I would rather be the non-judgemental parent that the kids turn to when they are in trouble than the blinkered parent who finds out later that their child is in hospital or jail!
Happy Monday peeps!


  1. You are an awesome Mom the kids are lucky to have you!! Have a wonderful evening.........

  2. You are one wise lady indeed. With people I do not know well I hold the philosophy that if I don't expect anything of them, I cannot be dissapointed by them. (Only pleasantly surprised when they deliver).

    It is hard with friends, family and loved ones though.

    It is not everyone that can take an experience like the weekend and make it applicable to make someone realise a truth like you did.

  3. Thanks Lulu! Thank you and you are also a great mom. I haven't forgotten the confusion of my teenage years even though I am in my forties. I think a lot of parents start to repeat the mistakes of their own parents because they think thats how it must be done. Communicating with your teen is the only way for me. I can't think of anything worse than bringing up a child to the age when you can relate to them as an adult and then losing that relationship by being judgemental and closed-minded.

  4. Hi Spear and thanks for your words too. I remain calm probably because I have been through stormy seas already. I was actually very proud of Dael because he stopped his friend (also ADD)(and to my mind worse than my boys) from totally flipping out and he didn't lose his temper. I was just there to make sure they didn't break furniture or worse.

  5. Just wanted to welcome you over and offer a big THANK YOU! for signing up to follow. I see you're a cat lover. I am down to one now after a one-time high of six. Just lost my oldest and oh-so-dearest two months ago at age
    18. (If you would like to read about her here's the link:)

    Anyway, I sure miss her and thought you could probably identify with this story.

    Looking forward to having you hang out with "us" over there!

  6. that is some learning curve indeed. my knucklehead is currently lamenting the fact that he runs out of money every week because he spends it on his friends- and when he runs out they don't reciprocate. i've made suggestions... but what do i know.

  7. Aaah yes ... the intensity of teenage years. Well done for not freaking out and once again I think you rock!

  8. It's getting late so I look forward to reading your posts tomorrow. However, I just dropped by for now to thank you for your kind comments about the shhep story. There is a plate of fish and chips at my place as a token of my appreciation. Best wishes

  9. Oh man, I was the Queen of going behind my Mom's back during my teen years. This made me a wise Mom who clearly remembered what it was like to be a teen.

    You are an awesome Mom

  10. Hi Robynn and welcome to you too. I am indeed a cat lover and I think at the height of my fostering I had about 32 cats in the house. Total bedlam. I have been reducing in numbers over the last couple of years but every now and then a couple slip in. I am 'down' to 13 now.

    Angel - You have to let him learn the hard way. Eventually we all do. You have made suggestions - you can't force him. Dael is determined to get his hardearned cash back as well and maybe thats the key. Because its not money I gave him (easy come easy go) he is more protective and possessive over it. Also he though he was earning a lot every week until he saw how quickly it gets spent.

    FF - I saw my mom freaking out and searching my sister's room for cigarettes, etc., reading her diary and her letters and reading nasty stuff about herself! I think I vowed then that that was not how I wanted to parent.

    Eddie Bluelights - Big welcome and my comments reflect how I truly feel. My dad is a very young 73 and I relate to him as a person active in this world of ours. He still works as a landscaper and although he is slowing down he is still very fit for an older person. Thats how I want to be.

    Travelgirl - Welcome too! Thanks for the kind words. And so true - I firmly believe that wisdom comes with being openminded.

  11. A wise and awesome mom day may I be like you!

  12. Kitty - I'm sure you will be. Its just one day at a time with kids and embrace each day. I really enjoy my kids except when I want to kill them! Just kidding...

  13. I learned a new word: braai!

    Is it a specialty, or an abbreviation? Dael should be truly thankful for his mother.

    Thanks for visiting my blog.

  14. Wow, you are a great mom - so similar to mine - we were given boundaries but I was always open with my parents and they'd fetch and take me and know where i am, rather than me hiding things... and my friends would end up chatting to my mom about how tough things were for them. And I turned out pretty ok... ;p

  15. Oh gosh, I am fearing teenage life. Tough learning curve for him. Oh yes, an re your comment on my blog - Carla got mistaken twice as my daughter over the weekend!

  16. We're on our last teenager. I fell lucky to be away sometimes. Eldest daughter is just becoming human again.

    Now of course we were never a pain in our parent's butts, were we?